I Don’t Wanna Go Today!
Anonymous
I so don’t want to go to church today. I have lots of reasons. Not having slept well for a couple of weeks, I’m WAY too tired. I won’t be able to sing well and will have to sit down because I’m too tired, and that’s so embarrassing! And I’ll cry - of course, I’ll cry. Every other line of a song will make me cry, and that’s so embarrassing, and I’m so tired. And I’m in pain. Of course I’m in pain - anyone this tired would be in pain. “Lord! Surely you would not want this pathetic person to go to church today and bring your people down. How could my presence possibly glorify your name? How could it possibly be for anyone’s good that I be there?”
Years of habit and a strong and patient spouse brought me to church today. This is how it turned out.
Just inside, I dump all my burdens on a dear friend who deserved only congratulations and joy from me. I offer that, but in short supply in comparison to her patient, listening heart. Her compassion gives me the strength to walk ahead, to center sanctuary, to take my place. Just before sitting down, someone comes near who has way more to struggle with and way more reason to not be here than I. If she can be here, than surely I can! Her presence inspires me, and fills my heart with love and compassion toward her, just as my friend had for me a few moments ago.
Then, of course, we sing, “Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, as we wait upon the Lord…He will lift us up like wings on eagles.” Of course I cry. Who wouldn’t cry, when the song is obviously personally chosen for her? When I wipe the tear, I don’t even remember to be embarrassed. Now I begin to really feel that despite how tired and weak I am, God is good and faithful, and yes, He is giving me strength. When it’s time for the greeting, I can’t shake enough hands or hug enough people to show how much God’s love and strength are true. And look! Here are two more people who have more reason than I for not being here! How they are suffering, yet here they are! I can see God working, healing, bringing strength to them. Of course He is! He is faithful! He is lifting them up like wings on eagles, just as He is me.
After the joy (did I say joy?) of the greeting, we sing his praises more, and yes, I do have to sit down, because I am really too tired, but it doesn’t matter if I sit down. And somehow, the fact that I am able to keep singing if I sit is enough to keep me from even the thought of embarrassed.
Here comes the sermon. My strong and patient spouse takes my hand to share his strength with me. And the words of the sermon are a wonder. When there is no way to victory for God’s people, no rescue from the siege, when they are hopeless, a small group of self-conscious hungry and lonely lepers enter the enemy camp. There they find that God has already done all the work. Provisions are waiting to restore their strength. Not only are they lifted up like wings on eagles, the entire people of God are wowed by his power, his presence, and the miracle of his unfailing love toward them. They have already been delivered!
Could God possibly show me more good reasons to be in His house today?
I rejoiced with those who said to me, “Let us go to the house of the Lord.”
- Psalm 122:1