Learning To Pray As An Adult
Kim Vander Hill, Arek O’Connell, Kirk Kingsley
What if a person was not raised in a Christian home? How does one learn to pray as a new Christian? How does one begin to pray as an adult? The first story below was written by out new Kid’s Hope director, Kim Vander Hill. Kim was raised in a Christian home but had not developed a prayer relationship with the Lord. Her story tells how she finally did. The next story is by Arek O’Connell, our high school and young adult pastor. He shares how he’s learning all the time how to pray. And the final story is by Kirk Kingsley, our middle school director and director of men’s ministries. Kirk didn’t become a Christian until he was in high school. He learned to pray first by example, and then he learned a much deeper way to pray. All of their stories are wonderfully enlightening. No matter where we came from, or what stage of life we are in, we can all learn to pray.
Kim Vander Hill
Even though I’ve been exposed to prayer my whole life, I have never felt like an expert on prayer. My parents were not raised in Christian homes but accepted Christ as their Savior later in life. They had learned to pray, although they didn’t tell me how they had. My dad prayed before every meal. My mom would express these long and detailed prayers on special occasions. I heard my pastors pray in church. My teachers prayed in school. My youth leaders prayed at every event. It seems I had ample opportunity to learn, but I don’t remember praying on my own.
The first time I remember setting time aside to pray out to God was when I was in college. I was struggling to follow the Lord and was making bad choice after bad choice. I knew God was calling me to Him, and that I just needed to learn how to listen and follow. I attended Calvin College and knew about these prayer rooms in the basement. So one day I took my Bible with me and went to find one. It was exactly as I had imagined it to be: a small, dark room with a kneeling bench. I remember reading the book of James and asking God for wisdom as it says in James 1:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” And so I did. I asked for wisdom. I began to visit this prayer room on a regular basis. God heard my request, and I began to see the wisdom He offers and how He gives direction to my life.
I still struggle to pray publicly, but prayers are often being expressed in my mind and heart. I am the queen of “one word prayers.” As I write this, my recent prayer has been, “Intervene, intervene, intervene” over and over again. I believe that prayer was answered. Hallelujah! My next most recent prayer was from the words of King David in Psalm 8 as I drove in to work looking at the most beautiful rainbow. “Oh Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth. You have set your glory above the heavens!” I believe God hears my thoughts as prayers whether spoken out loud or inwardly. I am so thankful that I have a God who loves me enough to hear me.
Arek O’Connell
As a pastor, I know it's not the "right thing" to say that I struggle with prayer today (especially out loud) but I do. I came to faith at age 16 and my first experiences with prayer (both privately and publicly) were almost exclusively negative and anxiety-producing. I wanted to learn how to pray, but whenever I tried, I would just get more confused and anxious as the Christian world is not lacking on prayer tips/guides. I am someone who struggles with not wanting to do something unless I can do it well, and prayer has never felt like an area of strength for me and my spiritual life. So in a real sense, you could say I'm still learning to pray even as a pastor. And what has really helped me learn to pray is watching, listening, and learning from prayer warriors at Hillside rather than reading books. Books are great and can be very helpful, but nothing can teach you more about prayer, in my opinion, than observing a passionate prayer warrior talk to God and tell others about their love for prayer. Whenever I get to watch, listen, or learn from a prayer warrior, I can feel my anxiety and confusion disappear, even if it's just for a minute, and I find new inspiration and confidence to pray that I didn't have before.
Kirk Kingsley
I did not become a Christian until I was in high school. That was not the first time, however, that I prayed. I can recall praying for some sporting events to go in my favor or asking this God that I did not even know to keep some of my friends safe during bad decision making. It was while in the youth group that I had opportunities to pray out loud for our group. I didn't really know how to pray, I just used a lot of the phrases that I had heard adults use. When I was nineteen I asked another male to mentor me. He taught me how to read the Psalms and to pray them back to God. To this day the Psalms are great fuel for my prayers. I love connecting with the emotions of the Psalmist because many times it gives me the questions to ask God, or words that describe how I am feeling—words that I can bring to God as well. One of the best pieces of advice I have received about growing in prayer is to surround yourself with people that like to pray.
I believe we grow most in prayer by recognizing our constant daily need for God. I believe that suffering and being in God's Word are two great ways to recognize that daily need.