Through Pain and Suffering
Adriann Hulst
Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
No, it can't be! I'm too young! Twenty-nine and I've been diagnosed with breast cancer. We have a two-and-a-half-year-old son. And so begins a journey that we knew nothing about at a time when nobody talked about it or wrote about it in books or magazines. In fact, it was a hush, hush subject. It also begins a journey of pain and suffering that will go on for years to come. And it is here that I must share what has become my life's verse for 47 years and counting. Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Psalm 31:14-15 "But I am trusting you, Oh Lord, saying 'You are my God' My future is in your hands."
Next came radiation and chemo. In 1976, neither was an exact science. Radiation was a "guessing game" with the lead blocks. It resulted in burning my esophagus, which has resulted in 28 (and counting) endoscopies to stretch my esophagus. And so I take each medical event as it comes.
About those medical "events." God has given me great peace as I've walked through the past 47 years. What happened to that super-healthy kid who had perfect attendance in grade school? Except for that day in 3rd grade when I was called to the principal's office and told that I had to go home because of my really bad, constant coughing. (Having been an elementary teacher, I now realize how irritating that cough must have been for my teacher. And I wasn't the only one coughing.) Or the day I got off the bus and walked home to find all of my family sick with the flu that I had somehow escaped. Whose infrequent trips to the doctor were usually from a sports injury.
But I deviate. First came radiation. Six weeks, five days a week. What do I do with our two-and-a-half-year-old son? My family was all in California. Earl had to keep working and was unable to take the time off. But God knew what we needed. Philippians 4:19 promises, “He will supply all our needs.” And he did. God sent the women of Hillside to meet our needs. Each Sunday of those six weeks, women came forward and offered to take care of Steve. I never once, for those 30 days, had to ask for a babysitter! God provided women to offer to care for him. One person even offered to care for him for a whole week!
And then came 18 months of chemo. At the time there was only one office in all of West Michigan that had Oncologists. Every visit and treatment was at least two hours. (Then there was the day that they forgot about me, and the doctor went home with me still in the examining room! But that story is for another day.) Psalm 121:2 says, “My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth.” I felt that help during endless days of feeling nauseous but knowing I had to keep on going. To keep on caring for Steve and making meals for our little family of three.
Another thing that kept me looking on the positive side of life was playing on the Hillside women’s fast-pitch softball team. Oh, for those days again. I don’t think I could throw a ball 10 feet today. Today, it is something that we laugh about. Bringing truth to the saying, if you don’t use it, you lose it.
And so my journey with cancer began many years of pain and suffering. Romans 8:25 tells us, “If we look forward to something we don’t have, we must wait patiently and confidently.” So I wait patiently (well, most impatiently) for a new body free from pain and suffering.
I’d never really looked at my list of surgeries until just recently. And for the “fun” of it, counted them up. The total came to 30! I know, I really should get a life. Despite all of those hospital visits, I can say confidently, “I will be glad and rejoice in your love.” (Psalm 31:7a)
Keeping my eyes on my Savior keeps me focused on his love and comfort. Despite everything - I’ve had a good life. We became a family of four. I am still able to play trumpet with Shofar Brass. God opened the door for me to get back into teaching. And with his humor moved me from 3rd grade to teaching middle school science. Now there’s where I could share some interesting stories! But that’s for another time.
In everything, I try to remember that “the faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.” (Lamentations 3:22-23)